“All Guys are Jerks!”

I’m sure you’ve heard that one before. Maybe you’ve even said it yourself. And just to be clear, I’ve heard guys whine some iteration of it too (i.e. girls are crazy)

When you’re dating, it can be pretty frustrating. The more you put yourself out there, the more you realize how much people suck. And for everyone who seems decent enough? Surprise, surprise, they’re already taken.

Cracked had a great article covering this. They say it’s part of a scientific phenomenon called “non-independent mate choice”. You can read more about it here.

What it comes down to is your perception. Basically, when what you have is crap, what you don’t have tends to seem amazing. That happens on a subconscious level. The real problem is how we actively reinforce it. With each and every complaint, those statements seem more and more likely to be the truth.

And that’s a danger I want to warn you about: Nothing is more important than the story you tell yourself.

You see it happen with body image issues. A bodybuilder who’s made great strides to get big still sees himself as too small. On the flipside, a girl who’s dropped a lot of weight still feels like she’s fat. It doesn’t really matter what the reflection in the mirror shows, it’s what each person sees and decides on his or her own.

So here’s my advice: when it feels like you’re trapped in a bubble, realize that you probably are. What you’re experiencing isn’t the be-all end-all. In fact, most of your frustration comes from knowing your situation isn’t supposed to be that way.

Published by Jon Dao

Formerly, the Conversation Coach

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