I know a lot of people detest New Year’s Resolutions because so many of them are done on a whim. Most resolutions are handled with wishful thinking and end up with piss poor results.
That’s a sad truth, but I totally support the chance to re-write your life story. The new year is an opportunity start a new narrative. I just wish people would utilize that enthusiasm on a day to day basis instead of waiting until January. But since it’s here, why wouldn’t you make use of it?
I want to remind people: nothing is more important than the story you tell yourself.
The way we reflect on our experiences and memories can empower us or break us down. Once you’re aware of self-communication, you can cut the crap. You’ll strengthen not only your speaking but life as a whole.
My Failure in Self-Communication
Before I made fitness a staple part of my life, here’s the stories I would tell myself:
- Finding someone to love me for me is a top priority.
- Once I find that person, I’m set for life.
Some of you are reading that and wonder what’s the problem. To some, those stories are perceived as romantic. That’s definitely what I thought at the time.
These days I don’t look back at those words so lovingly. Then again, I’ve been told I’m not that much of a romantic either. If you note the term “hopeless romantic”, are you able to recognize the problem of labeling yourself that way?
It’s the very word “hopeless”. You’re resigning yourself to the idea that things aren’t supposed to work out. These concepts of romance have a lot of problems.
Back then I wasn’t completely pessimistic and self-loathing, but another problem that stems from my story is lack of self-worth. When you tell yourself that someone else is supposed to be the priority in your life– that means you are, by default, incomplete. That way of thinking diminishes any achievements you make on your own as “not really success”.
I became desperate and needy in finding that fulfillment.
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In my sophomore year of college, I would find someone who matched the needs of my narrative.
That Reality of That Relationship
When I finally got into that relationship, I actually became more needy, not less. I think when you hype up someone to be your everything, then your brain goes into thinking that person has to always be around.
The logic becomes “without them, I am nothing”.
I definitely didn’t want to be nothing. I wanted to be something grand. I did work hard at some things, but I would just attribute any achievements to the relationship. I still failed to build any self-worth.
Making someone else your everything just isn’t natural. You’ll try too hard to keep up a sense of “happily together”. It’s like going to a movie theater. Yeah, it’s rude to be loud and disruptive by talking to a friend. But, a person who’s trying so hard to police even the slightest sense of disorder can also ruin the experience.
Being uptight is neither cool nor sexy.
The Truth Behind My Words
Lots of problems as you can see, but here are the two major ones.
First, the reality of “finding someone to love me for me” didn’t make me feel fulfilled. It made me lazy and complacent. I used the cover of “having someone appreciate me in the moment” to mean “since I have someone to put with my shit, I don’t have to do anything anymore”. In essence, I stopped taking care of myself. That’s how I gained weight.
Second, thinking I’d be “set for life” didn’t really make me happy. At the time I was kidding myself, but the truth was it made me scared to lose it. Being needy, uptight, and afraid is neither cool nor sexy.
That relationship didn’t work out (for the better, thankfully). And for the immediate aftermath it became too easy to frame the narrative like this:
- You’re so stupid
- You should’ve known better
- What were you thinking?
- How could you let this happen?
If I kept up with those stories, I’m not sure who or where I’d be today. I had someone who was very adamant in setting me straight: “Isn’t it time you took care of yourself?”
I hope that 2016 can be the year that the sentiment “I’m doing all I can to take care of myself” rings true for you.
Do you or someone you know struggle with this conflict of self-communication? Schedule a free consultation by calling 617-870-3615.
If you need more tips and tricks to get your fitness back on track, be sure to check out the Architects of Aesthetics for more information.
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